American crayfish - oversexed, oversized and over here...

This is a white-clawed crayfish (shoulders back, lovely boy). It is native to this sceptred isle (cue strains of Elgar) and can be found in rivers and streams everywhere. It is the very essence of Englishness, no?

And now it is under threat from an invader from across the Atlantic, the signal crayfish, which has come over here, aggressively out-competed our white-clawed friends and, worst of all, spread the deadly crayfish plague amongst them.

Fortunately, all is not lost for the home team. White-clawed crayfish are being rescued from across East Anglia and brought to a secret location in Suffolk, where an 'ark' has been created in the hope of breeding new 'super crayfish', able to leap over tall buildings in a single bound and swim faster than a speeding bullet.

The Environment Agency have appealed to anyone with a large pond, lake or gravel pit to contact them in the hope of creating a second ark. In the meantime, if you see any crayfish wearing bermuda shorts, or pronouncing Leicester Square incorrectly, feel free to eat them. Apparently, they're delicious, and an aphrodisiac to boot...