Theresa, it's too late. Boris has already won...

I've got to admit that I've never been a fan of our Foreign Secretary. I tend to prefer gravitas over 'personality' and competence over an ability to dissemble. But what fascinates me it why, despite a history for which the word 'chequered' seems almost inevitable, and a relative lack of achievement, Boris Johnson is considered by so many to be a credible leader of the Conservative Party and Prime Minister.

And then you see the way that he has done Theresa May like a kipper and you think, "Gosh, what a cunning bastard!". Yes, the Prime Minister is notionally in charge, but you hardly think that she's in control, especially as the sheer horror of negotiating the promised lotus land is becoming ever more apparent and the  inevitable compromising starts.

By laying down his red lines, most of which have as much chance of being met as I do of opening the batting for England this winter, he sets her up for failure knowing that there is no personal risk. If she decides to follow his lead, he is the hero, defending the notion of a hard Brexit from a vacillating leader. If she doesn't, and it goes wrong, as it probably will anyway, she gets to be the sacrificial goat and he is ideally placed to be leader.

At least, so he thinks. He may even be right. I do hope not.

It says a lot for the state of the modern Conservative Party that he is a credible alternative though. After all, he has issues with truth and fidelity, is as tactful as a rhinoceros with toothache and tends to look as though he has been dragged backwards through a hedge. His lack of self-awareness has caused him to imaginatively insult allies and enemies alike. You would like to think that, amongst the ranks of senior Conservatives there was someone who could do better, even if Andrea Leadsom would be worse.

But what intrigues me most is the answer to the question, "what does Boris believe in?". With David Cameron, you sensed that the answer was, whatever was broadly popular, with a veneer of social liberalism. I'm not even sure that Boris comes with a veneer.

Nevertheless, he's played a blinder this week, as all that anyone can talk about is him. And, as far as the members in the country are concerned, as long as he can get the nominations to run (and if Dan Poulter's supporting him, it seems unlikely to be a serious obstacle), he can have every reason for optimism.

And if you thought that this country was becoming a joke already...

You appointed them, Theresa, so they're your responsibility...

When, as the newly appointed Prime Minister, Theresa May appointed Boris Johnson, Liam Fox and David Davis to lead on Brexit, there were those who suspected that this was a cunning ploy to deal with an inevitably unworkable outcome to the Referendum. And, perhaps, this will turn out to be correct one day. Frankly, I doubt it - one of the modern traits in British politics is the urge to selectively use information to support your preferred outcome regardless of the weight of evidence, and I don't think that Theresa May thinks like that.

Regardless of how you voted on 23 June, however, one must admit that putting the supposedly true believers (judge for yourself how faithful Boris is to anything) in charge made sense. If you want Brexit to work, enthusiasm and a philosophical belief in the necessary stance on sovereignty are surely a must.

So, having campaigned against our membership of the European Union for so long, and yes, Boris, you're excused from that (again), and having had all of that time to consider how our withdrawal might work, they're off and running. It isn't going terribly well so far.

Liam has accused British industry of being lazy, David has indicated that membership of the Single Market is unlikely, and on both occasions, their comments have been disowned as being merely a personal opinion. Well, I'm sorry, Theresa, but that simply isn't true. As a member of the Cabinet, speaking on a subject in their portfolio, their opinion must obviously be an indication as to what they want to do. You might not like it, but you gave them that responsibility.

Either they're lone wolves, in which case they aren't suited to collective Cabinet responsibility, or you do have a plan for Brexit which you don't want to tell us about. Admittedly, whatever plan materialises will upset virtually everybody - Remainers and Brexiteers alike - so silence may be a temporary virtue. But either way, you have a problem.

So, here's a new question for you, Theresa. How many times do you have to deny a Minister before they either quit in frustration or you have to let them go? At least Boris is behaving thus far... Probably...

Boris Johnson plays whiff-whaff with civil liberties

I'm not particularly interested in this civil liberties stuff when it comes to these people's emails and mobile phone conversations. If they are a threat to our society then I want them properly listened to. 

I've always found the fuss made over Boris Johnson to be somewhat mystifying. I'm sure that he is highly intelligent, but then I expect that of people holding high office. But he has a tendency to act the fool, to contradict himself and to be vague on detail, and despite this, a surprising number of Conservatives appear to believe that he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. It is, perhaps, the triumph of celebrity over competence, although he has often been fortunate in his choice of opponents.

But what worries me most is that I can't really tell what he really believes in, apart from being on top. Is he in favour of civil liberties or not, for example, although on the basis of the quote above, the answer is yes, for nice people, but not for people we don't trust. Does that mean that he disagrees with the Government for, as the Tory/Lib Dem Programme for Government declared:

The [Coalition] believes that the British state has become too authoritarian, and that over the past decade it has abused and eroded fundamental human freedoms and historic civil liberties.

Personally, I suspect that Boris is playing to a very specific audience - right-wing Conservative MPs who distrust David Cameron. It is, after all, one of sufficient size to be worth pursuing, and one which is unlikely to want to back a husky-hugging, socially liberal leader any time soon. If Boris does want to be leader, he's going to have to win their support or, at the very least, have them onside.

From a liberal perspective, one could argue that the security forces are barely capable of managing the data they already have, and have been proven to have a relaxed attitude towards current legislation, in that they are willing to stretch it as far as it will go, and will always seek to have more powers.

And, ultimately, politicians like Boris Johnson, who are more interested in outcomes, and care far less about due process, are probably as big a threat to our civil liberties as terrorists are to our safety. Whilst they might not wilfully give up our freedom, they might do it by neglect or as a bargaining ploy. But the next time I hear Boris talk about liberty, I'll remember that he is, first and foremost, a bit of a fraud...

Another random walrus moment...

I see that Boris Johnson has said, on his monthly AskBoris slot on Twitter, that the animal he would most like to be is a walrus, a notion that he and I share. Apparently, Boris likes it that they lie on rocks and belch. This is, of course, true. Personally, I prefer their winning smile, their magnificent tusks and their charming ability to regurgitate fish.

Walruses are also rather well-padded, somewhat ungainly out of water and possess magnificent whiskers. Ah well, Boris, two out of three ain't bad...

#FACup, Second Qualifying Round - Boris Johnson, your boys took one hell of a beating... eventually

The two teams shake hands before the match,
Marketmen in red, Tigers in orange and black,
funnily enough

So, three o'clock came, and Needham Market kicked off towards the new Les Ward stand, filled with home supporters anticipating most of the action to be at that end of the pitch. And, for ten minutes, London Tigers barely ventured out of their own half as the Marketmen pressed hard, creating, but not taking, two decent chances. It was, surely, only a matter of time before they broke through.

And then, all of a sudden, with thirteen minutes gone, the Tigers struck with a slick move and a good header. Could it be that the underdogs had struck first? Fortunately, an offside flag came to the rescue, but the warning was there, and Needham responded swiftly. A raking crossfield pass by Chris Hogg, a first time cross from Darryl Coakley and Sam Newson's bullet header powered into the back of the net.

15' - Needham Market 1 London Tigers 0

It looked to me as though the Tigers' heads dropped, and whilst the traffic wasn't one way any more, they didn't look threatening as Needham pushed on in search of the second. They were nearly caught on the break though, as another attacking move broke down, and Ian Westlake had to commit a very cynical foul to prevent a breakaway and a likely one-on-one with the home keeper. Thankfully, as he was well inside his own half, a yellow card sufficed.

The Tigers' defence had looked suspect throughout, and when a bouncing ball in their box caused panic, Ryan Crisp took advantage and chipped over the keeper and into the net.

45' - Needham Market 2 London Tigers 0

Half time came, and as the sun shone, it looked as though Needham simply had to keep it tight, not do anything rash, and a place in the Third Qualifying Round was theirs. And it didn't take long to confirm that impression. Another neat move, involving two of Needham's former professionals, Kem Izzet and Ian Westlake, ended in a neat ball to Ryan Crisp who chipped the keeper once agian.

47' - Needham Market 3 London Tigers 0

Manager Mark Morsley withdrew Ian Westlake, presumably to save him for key league fixtures to come, introducing Ace Howell, a young black product of the club's academy, and hero of the First Qualifying Round game against Cambridge City. Quick, skilful, but perhaps not quite physically robust enough yet, his pace was likely to be a threat as the underdogs tired, as if they didn't have trouble enough.

With half an hour to go, it was time for super striker Sam Newson to be brought off, and his replacement was Ace's brother Lemell, making his debut. Chris Hogg, formerly of Hibernian and Ipswich Town, had gone off in the sixth-eighth minute, and it was all beginning to drift though until an unnecessary free kick was given on the edge of the box, and the Tigers captain, Terence Cariba, stepped up and curled it sweetly into the bottom corner.

72' - Needham Market 3 London Tigers 1

It surely didn't matter though, did it? Needham still looked comfortable but the Tigers' tails were up and, after some comedy defending, Ayoub Amellal nipped in to beat Shaun Phillips from close range.

78' - Needham Market 3 London Tigers 2

Surely, Needham weren't going to throw away a three-goal lead at home against a team from a lower league? But, for a few moments, it looked decidedly likely as a team stripped of key players was going to crack under the pressure as jitters spread amongst the home supporters.

And then, relief. Ace Howell's cross, brother Lemell's delicate touch and to the delight of friends and family of the Howell brothers sitting in front of me, the ball nestled in the back of the net.

86' - Needham Market 4 London Tigers 2

That was it, but there was still time for Ace Howell to burst through, his pace leaving the defender for dead, before threading the ball past the somewhat immobile keeper and inside the left-hand post.

87' - Needham Market 5 London Tigers 2

The last few moments negotiated safely, the final whistle blew and thoughts of the next round could begin. Elsewhere, Brightlingsea Regent had equalised against Harlow Town, leaving Needham Market level on points at the top of Ryman League Division One North, so a good day all round.

I wonder who we'll get in the next round?...

#FACup, Second Qualifying Round - setting the scene as the Cup dream returns to Mid Suffolk

After my day out last season, sponsoring a home game of our local Ryman League, Division One North, football team - Needham Market FC - I had intended to take in a few more games this year. Sadly, our busy schedule combined with the fact that, when we were at home, Needham Market weren't, has meant that it hadn't been possible until yesterday. However, having got back from Gibraltar on Friday evening, I was able to go to yesterday's big FA Cup game at Bloomfields.

Last year, the Marketmen made it to the Fourth Qualifying Round for the first time ever, just one game short of a dream tie against a Football League side, but drew the worst possible opponent, Cambridge United, then top of the Conference and flying high - technically the highest ranked team in the competition at that stage. And, whilst it was at home, the three division gulf between the two sides made it feel like Mission Impossible. However, in front of a crowd of nearly 1,800 at Bloomfields, they came within ten minutes of holding on for a replay, in one of the town's biggest ever days.

This year, Soham Town Rangers were dispatched in the Preliminary Round, before Cambridge City of the Southern League's Premier Division (a division above Needham Market's) were vanquished on their own pitch in the First Qualifying Round. The reward for beating a higher-ranked side was what looked like a rather kinder draw in the next round.

London Tigers are a team that brings back some very distant memories. The very first game of competitive football that I ever saw was between Kingsbury Town and Farnham Town in 1972, and, having been brought up in Kingsbury, I always looked out for their results out of a vague sense of nostalgia. A few years ago, they merged with London Tigers to form Kingsbury London Tigers, which didn't really feel the same. It got worse when the Tigers decided to move to Greenford in West London, leaving the Silver Jubilee Park ground, and Kingsbury, without a football team to call its own.

It would be fair to say that, even allowing for the fact that I support the home side, I wasn't exactly minded to have much sympathy for the visitors. I had even less when it became known that their Honorary Patron is one Boris "Whiff Whaff" Johnson...