I really don't understand how Liberal Democrats do by-elections...

Mark is a bit distracted at the moment, and he asked me to post something just to keep the blog active. Funnily enough, we had been talking about the Ealing Southall by-election, and he was explaining all of the aspects to how these things works. I have to admit that I'm somewhat puzzled, as it all seems so unseemly, and feel that the Liberal Democrats are going about things in entirely the wrong way.

For example, your activists seem to be perfectly content to allow high levels of crime to take place. Littering, for example, has become a major problem, and teams of crack activists armed with electric cattle prods should be tasked to carry out sweeps on a ward by ward basis, preventing gangs of anorak wearing youth in their colours of blue and red from committing these heinous offences. I'm afraid that the only way to drive this menace off of our streets is to display zero tolerance.

I also note groups of Conservative politicians plotting attacks on innocent bystanders, armed with potential deadly images of David Cameron. Extraordinary rendition, with transfer to secure facilities, is by far the best response, and Amaranth is determined to do all that we can to provide such an option. My son, Rupert, is geared up for an influx of dangerous customers (we're very public service oriented here), and the moat for our facility has been freshly stocked with saltwater crocodiles - he is convinced that they add that finishing touch that demonstrates absolute attention to detail.

Of course, armed cavalry are good, and I understand that the broad streets of Hanwell are particularly well-suited to use of the sabre. Sadly, my friend, the Countess, tells me that the noble Lord Rennard is determined to stick to the tried and trusted techniques that have served so well in the past.

No sense of romance, you Liberal Democrats, that's your problem...