Health and safety - an Indian alternative

I was brought up to believe that you should bear the consequences of your own actions, and so have generally been less than friendly to some of the more surreal examples of health and safety policy. Admittedly, we haven't gone quite as mad as Americans have, but as we tend to follow the American trend (law suits, fast food, obesity and mindless reality television being just four which the British aim to do just as well as our transatlantic cousins), I usually expect the worst.

Mumbai, on the other hand, would if the average health and safety inspector waking nightmares. Here, we're quite find of buses with open platforms. We're not so convinced that buses actually need to stop to let people get on or off, and it seems perfectly sensible to ensure on-time running by setting off with a dozen people hanging on to the bus without actually being in it. As for limitations on the number of people standing... yes, I know that the sign says 20 standees only but 67 is fairly close, isn't it, and you get a much better view if you're standing upstairs, don't you? And if you can't get on the bus, you can just stand in front of it, or chase it down the street and throw yourself at the entrance as it comes past.

And as for the trains, well, having doors that close is very nice, but it's warm and dry (most of the year), you lose time opening and closing the doors, and why wouldn't you want to hang out of a moving train anyway? So the doors are jammed open, and four or five people are hanging out of the door, maintaining a tight grip on the bar that runs down the middle of the opening, or the rim where the doors would be if they were shut, or whatever they can find to hold onto.

I think that it's wonderful, and all this excitement comes at the very reasonable price of Rs.8 for a 14-mile train ride all the way from Andheri to Victoria Terminus, or Rs.9 for the hour-long bus ride to Mahim (yes, buses are more expensive than trains, go figure...). And me, I can lean out of train doors with the best of them, hang on to buses like grim death, and generally confuse the locals, who can't quite get a grasp on the fact that I actually enjoy this. At Rs.87 to the pound, I can even do it all day if I choose.

My father lectures me about pickpockets (me, the only Valladares to have visited Bogota and Buenos Aires and escaped both completely unscathed), and I think he occasionally forgets how much travelling I have done in less than classically mainstream tourism destinations.

Ah well, time to get some sleep, I think. I've got choir practice in the morning, and I really need to leave here at about 8.45 to make sure that I get there on time. Don't worry, I'm not singing, I've just got a sense of humour, that's all...