The Party is looking for a Returning Officer for Federal Elections. It isn't going to be me...

I've been a Returning Officer for the Party for many years. Many, many years. I've run everything from European selections to Associated Organisation ballots, from House of Lords Parliamentary Party elections to committee ballots. I've even been a Returning Officer for the Alliance of Liberals and Democrats in Europe. And, for the most part, I've gained a certain satisfaction in doing a good job. Indeed, many of the people I've worked with have been surprisingly pleasant about it afterwards which, I guess, is an endorsement of sorts.

One of my perceived strengths is that I like to support candidates as far as possible. Running for anything means putting your ego on the line, with little in the way of gratitude, especially if you don't win. I therefore see one of the roles of a Returning Officer as a nurturing one, helping candidates to navigate the rules and procedures, providing clear guidance and flagging up areas of concern as early as possible. And, ultimately, enabling the electorate to have as much information as possible in deciding who will represent them.

I know my way around the Party, retain a modicum of credibility and am capable of handling difficult people when necessary. So, you might think that I'd be, potentially, the sort of person who might make a good Returning Officer for the party's Federal elections.

I'm not going to apply though. You see, I've already been put through the process of applying for two difficult, unpopular voluntary jobs in the Party.

In the first instance, I was up for reappointment, and my Regional Party made such a hash of it, debating my character behind my back, that I concluded that I really didn't want to be treated in such a manner. Admittedly, they originally thought that they were debating my character in my presence but used an incorrect e-mail address for me (as if that would have made it any better).

In the second instance, I was directly approached and asked if I would apply for a position that I had previously decided not to apply for, given the impression that the interview was a formality, and then rejected. I begin to realise why I find headhunters to be so loathsome.

The role of Returning Officer is going to be a challenging one. And, asking people to voluntarily apply for a role requiring a (promised, but probably insufficient) commitment of seventy-two hours over a twelve-week period to do the job is, I suspect, more than many people will fancy. I certainly don't think that the "honour" of being treated with disrespect by people who assume that you're paid to do this (and thus at their beck and call) justifies me putting my ego on the line a third time.

That said, the Party's internal democracy is one of the things that makes the party what it is, and it needs someone with a steady nerve and strong character to front the organisation of our internal elections. It may be you, gentle reader, and if you think so, here's the link to the advert. And, if you do apply, may I wish you the very best of luck.

Young Liberals - it’s like deja vu all over again...

“I’ve been a Young Liberal for many a year...”, we used to sing to the tune of “The Wild Rover” many years ago, and whilst that hasn’t strictly been true for a very long time, you can’t necessarily escape the gravitational pull of the Liberal Democrat youth and student wing forever.

Having served as an officer of the National League of Young Liberals prior to merger - I was the only eligible person left in the room when the vacancy for Secretary General arose - and as (at various times) Secretary, International Officer, Treasurer and, for one slightly bizarre year, President of the Young Liberal Democrats between 1987 and 1992, I made a somewhat unexpected return as the Returning Officer for Liberal Youth in 2008.

I was warned off, mostly by my predecessors, but I served for eighteen months or so, surviving despite the best efforts of Harry Cole (whatever happened to him) and a contest for Chair for which the word ‘volatile’ barely did justice. They then elected me as an Honorary Vice-President...

And now, just as unexpectedly, I’m back, probably for a one-off gig, to help them to fill two Officer vacancies. Thankfully, the process is much eased by technology and Returning Officers serve as much to keep the peace and to manage the process as anything else. I can cope with that, I think.

Whilst for LGBT+ Liberal Democrats last year, it was a job that revolved around running an election in order to reestablish stability, this is a rather less complex task, as much to offer reassuring dullness, competence and occasional compassion where needed as much as anything more demanding.

The only difference this time is that, having been slightly depressed by being old enough to be their parent last time, I’m possibly now old enough to be a grandparent to some of the younger activists. Perhaps being a virtual Returning Officer might lessen that feeling a little this time... I do hope so...

You can, apparently, never start too early...

I received a telephone call during Conference, whilst walking on the beach, from an unfamiliar telephone number. Admittedly, I don't tend to get an awful lot of telephone calls from people, so my contact list is a bit bereft. On this occasion, it was Paul Clark, my Region's Candidates Chair, with news of a mission. He needs a Returning Officer, and I'm apparently the person for the job.

As I suddenly have some time on my hands, at least, over the medium to long term, I said that I would do it. And so, it's time to reread the Selection Rules, saddle up my trusty ballot box, and set off on the long road towards selecting another PPC.

I've been doing this for some time now, indeed, I've been running candidate selections for the Party for more than two decades, and much has changed in that time. The approval process has become more sophisticated, the Selection Rules have become more, and then less, complicated, but the biggest change is the introduction of more wide-reaching guidance to ensure that our candidates are more diverse than was the case when I started.

Now in truth, that's a thoroughly good thing. It simply shouldn't be the case that the image of a Parliamentary candidate is a middle-aged man in a suit, although it is still an image which flashes a fin in the eyes of many when you discuss politicians. And it takes positive action to generate a spectrum of candidates more reflective of the wider community. Don't start me on what it needs to make Westminster more reflective of society.

You'll pardon me, however, if I'm not very forthcoming as to which constituency it is. It will be a matter for disclosure within the Party soon enough but there is much work to do before I get to that point.

It does allow me an opportunity to remind readers, especially those of a Liberal Democrat persuasion who are ambitious to run for Westminster, that if you think you're ready, it's never too soon to get that application form in...

Liberal Bureaucracy - ballot counter to the nobility

So, I'm on my way to the big city, on an unseasonably warm September day (it's apparently 33 degrees Celsius in Brentwood as I pass through on the train), to perform one of my more enjoyable roles, that of Returning Officer for the Liberal Democrat Peers, although, in strictness, I'm not the Returning Officer, the Chief Whip is. There is no forelock tugging required, which is good, because I'd have to look up what a forelock is, and it's probably not in the Liberal Democrat guidance for Returning Officers anyway.

Today, I'm counting the ballot papers for the election of the new Leader of the Liberal Democrat Parliamentary Party in the House of Lords, because, although with only two candidates it is effectively a first past the post election, they rather like to have some external validation. I also come cheap, as I never claim expenses...

The contest is Dick Newby versus Robin Teverson, both of whom would be capable of doing the job, so no fears there. If Dick wins, the Parliamentary Party are in the market for a new Chief Whip, if Robin wins, there might be a vacancy for a Liberal Democrat Chair of one of the House of Lords EU Sub-Committees, as he chairs Ros's old Energy and Environment Committee.

So, I'd better get on, I guess. My quills are sharpened, the parchment is rolled, we're set to go...

South Cambridgeshire Liberal Democrats select a PPC

It has been a very busy week. I had been looking forward to a relatively quiet week until my phone rang on Friday, asking me if I would be willing to be the Returning Officer for South Cambridgeshire. I wasn't keen - I'm already dealing with two selections, but it was explained that this was urgent, and would need to be done quickly, as a by-election was potentially in the offing.

And so, an expedited selection took place. I probably can't tell you how it works - the details are available on request but not otherwise available, but what I can say is that, from publication of advert to result, it took less than one hundred and forty-eight hours.

Hilary Clinton once famously wrote that it takes a village to raise a child. Well, as a Returning Officer, I can tell you that it takes a village to select a potential by-election candidate - with the goodwill of shortlisting committee members, by-election panellists, Candidates Office, Membership Services, the Campaigns Department and some hard-pressed but highly motivated applicants. And, in this case, a baroness.

In the middle of this, armed only with a set of rules and a protocol, sits the Returning Officer. Queries regarding procedure, questions regarding membership issues, hustings organisation and all manner of things must be answered courteously and swiftly, paperwork prepared and distributed, candidates informed and nurtured.

There are some consolations. There is no appeal process, so the Returning Officer is, in a small way, the ruling deity of Planet Selection. Actually, that's the only certain consolation although everyone else made the process so much more pleasant than it might have been - and here I pay tribute to the shortlisting committee, who I would happily bring home with me.

And so, this evening, accompanied by Ros, who was to chair the members' meeting, I went to a village just outside Cambridge, where a very decent crowd, all things considered, gathered to select a prospective by-election candidate.

It tells you a lot about the way social media can spread news more quickly than ever before, that, as the Returning Officer, I have been scooped by Jonathan Calder and by the Cambridge News, but I should congratulate Sebastian Kindersley on his adoption as the candidate, after a very high-class hustings with excellent performances by all three short-listed applicants.

Liberal Youth: on the receiving end of a Returning Officer for a change...

Having written a manifesto for Liberal Youth, I'm now going to have to back it up with action, now that I have been elected as an Honorary Vice President. Yes, I have been triumphant, in spite of the fact that I am not called Chris. Indeed, the Honorary Officers do now rather resemble the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo (look it up...).

So, what do the Honorary Vice Presidents of Liberal Youth do? Well, there may be some drinking to be done, in moderation, of course, but more seriously, one of us acts as Honorary Treasurer and shall, for the purposes of the Political Parties and Referendums Act 2000, be the person responsible for the finances of Liberal Youth. We also serve on the Appeals Panel, with one of us acting as its Chair, and, best of all, one of us gets to be on the Office Management Committee

So, Chris Butler, Chris Gurney, Chris Keating, Nigel Ashton, Yuan Potts and myself will assume our duties on 1 January. One election down, three to go...

Liberal Youth: Returning Officer as performance artist

Whilst John Dixon has reported on the unexpected 'excitement' of Saturday at the Liberal Youth conference, my role at the event today was somewhat different in tone.

I was recently appointed as Returning Officer to Liberal Youth, and this was my first turn of duty. I wanted to impress, so I brought my own ballot box (yes, I know...) and, on arrival, I was presented with a package consisting of ballot papers, a numbering stamp, some blank slips and a hole punch (very professional, I must say).

I was in a good mood, so I decided to put on a show. An animated account of the vote for the new Honorary Vice-Presidents, with tales of transfers and philosophical debates that didn't matter was my contribution before lunch.

After lunch, I was called into action again to run an impromptu contest for the endorsement as Liberal Democrat candidate for the forthcoming NUS election. As a gesture towards transparency, I counted the ballot papers in front of the whole conference. Ben Mathis 'called me' on the arithmetic so we had an audience participation recount before I declared the result.

It was great fun, and I look forward to working with Liberal Youth at their Spring Conference next year...

Newly organised, an ex-bureaucrat reaches for the stars...

I've just returned to work after a couple of days off, spent getting my life in order. I had rather allowed things to pile up to the point that I was frozen in the headlights of an oncoming truck marked 'administrative overload', and Ros persuaded me that some time spent on my paperwork would allow me to dig my way back to the light. I wouldn't say that I'm entirely up to date, but close enough...

Tomorrow, I head for Newbury for the South Central Regional Conference, originally intending to appear in my capacity as European Returning Officer. However, things seldom work out as planned, and I was then appointed to be the Returning Officer for the Regional Executive elections. So far, so good. Now, I find myself chairing what is described as "an opportunity for members to hear and question the declared leadership candidates". This is not, I repeat not, a hustings, in that nominations haven't closed yet, and Nick Clegg and Chris Huhne, or Chris Huhne and Nick Clegg, depending on your perspective, will not actually be on the platform at the same time other than to shake hands.

I should warn anyone expecting a polished chairing performance that I've chaired a European hustings meeting (ironically, in Canterbury last Saturday), but am unused to the spotlight and, in particular, to the media. On the other hand, I may be the only person in the party to have been Returning Officer to both candidates simultaneously (the 1999 European selection contest for South East), so at least it's all familiar. And best of all, I haven't actually made up my mind as to who I'm supporting this time (really, I haven't!), and so I get a close-up view of each of them.

May the best candidate win!