European Selection: actually, don't bother, I've made my mind up

Unusually for a Returning Officer, I see the role as an opportunity for mild entertainment, not something that candidates entirely appreciate, I admit, but fun nonetheless.

In 1998, I missed all the hustings for South East's European selection due to a pre-existing commitment (alright, I was on holiday) and rather cunningly organised two hustings for the same evening. It seemed logical to have the candidates to Windsor and Newbury on the same evening, especially with a motorway to connect the two. I don't drive, which may explain why I overlooked the fact that picking the Friday of a bank holiday weekend would leave the M4 looking more like a car park than an express route. I am led to believe that some of the candidates made it... eventually...

Despite this, they very kindly requested a reprise in 2002/03. This time, the manifesto approval phase was scheduled for the period around the New Year. For some reason, I thought that being in Chile and Argentina would make the process more relaxed. On the other hand, the hotel delivered one faxed manifesto with a bottle of champagne, which did make me rather more kind-hearted towards the candidate than I might otherwise have been. Admittedly, he didn't know about it, and we'd paid for it, so no harm done. I did admire the gall of one applicant who complained that I had taken eight hours to respond to her manifesto. Given that she'd sent it at 5 a.m. Buenos Aires time, I was less than entirely courteous in my response...

This time, I'm planning very little travelling, and intend to be at the hustings. Instead, I'm putting an effort into the papers, with pen pictures of the members of the Selection Committee. And that's where the problems start. You see, I'm rapidly drawing the conclusion that the members of the committee are more interesting than the applicants. So, I hereby declare that the South East Regional shortlist is:

1. the incumbent
2. Prue Bray
3. Jamie Sharpley
4. Mike Wheatley
5. Margaret Ticehurst
6. Season Prater
7. Ken Cosslett
8. Vera Head
9. Chris Jennings
10. Mark Valladares

May I thank the applicants for their interest, and the Selection Committee will be taking a well-deserved long summer break before the campaign starts in earnest...