Counting ballots the Amaranth way...

As one of Liberal Youth's Deputy Returning Officers, I'm in Cowley Street, preparing for the count. Surprisingly, having done a lot of research on student politics, I have discovered that most of my preparations won't actually be helpful on this occasion.

Whilst I firmly support the concept of a participatory and scruplously run election, I do also believe in reflecting cultural diversity. Accordingly, I had arranged for the creation of election count software that contained code designed to distort the result - so popular in Ohio, tI'm told, a suitcase filled with completed ballot papers and, if all else failed, CS gas to clear the room of those pesky observers. Naturally, the count was to be surrounded by the best cavalry unit that Amaranth can put into the field, instructed to act without mercy on my command.

But no, Mark assures me that these won't be necessary. Sometimes, just sometimes, he lacks a sense of humour...